Becca Update

Most of you know that my sister Becca has been going through some serious medical stuff this month. It all started over a month ago while she was subbing. She texted me saying that she was having trouble writing--weird! My parents wound up taking her to the hospital later that day. She was having a hard time using her hands at all, and her speech was very slow. In fact, at one point, she couldn't talk at all. That weekend was a series of tests: CAT scans and MRI's. She was discharged that Monday. We were told that these was a lesion on her brain, and that it was most likely a non-cancerous brain tumor.  The other likely possibility was that she had had a stroke. They needed to wait a month to determine which it was. So, the past month has been spent waiting, praying, and TRYING not to worry. This week we found out that she does not have a brain tumor. After two more tests, they have determined that she either had a brain aneurysm or an AVM.( This is a kind of stroke caused by a defect in veins formed during infancy. They can, but don't always, rupture eventually.) So, either way, something ruptured and caused bleeding in her brain, which caused swelling, which caused the symptoms that sent her to the hospital. We were actually relieved to get this news. Obviously these are both serious things, but the fact that it already happened, and Becca is ok and suffered no permanent damage is really amazing. It is crazy to think what could have happened. It is also a relief to know more of what is going on after battling the"what if''s" every night when I went to sleep this past month. It's hard not to think about worst case scenarios when you don't know anything for certain. She is having another test tomorrow which will hopefully determine exactly what happened,and what they need to do about it. She may need to have some kind of surgery to clean up or repair the damage. She really hopes that she won't.  I will definitely write another update when we know more. Thank you so much for the prayers that you have said for Becca, me, and my family this past month. I truly appreciate it. It has been hard, but I am thankful to know that so many people care and are there for us. 

Home with Madeline

It is Sunday afternoon, and we are home with the new love of our lives, Madeline Grace. I can't really put into words how I

 am feeling in this short space, so I'll just give a brief overview of the past few days. We went to the hospital Thursday morning for my scheduled c-section at 8:00. It was a very strange feeling, checking in, knowing that in hours we would be holding our baby. I was VERY nervous for the c-section. I talked to Sarah Towne shortly before going in, because she has had four c-sections and feels that they were very easy. She was extremely comforting, and told me that the insertion of the IV is the worst and most painful part. That part was already done, so I was glad to hear that! Well, long story short, my c-section took about twice as long as normal, and I hated every minute of it. Sorry for any of  you who may be needing to have one anytime soon. I'm sure yours will be great! :) But for me, lying awake, feeling my insides being tugged around, seeing my blood spray onto the sheet in front of me, (oh yeah, and onto my forehead!), was a bit worse than the IV being inserted. (Love you, sarah!!) 

Apparently, it took them quite a while to get her out because she was still very high, since I had not labored at all. So, they needed to use some sort of tool they call a vacuum, and the one they were using was faulty! After trying to use it for about 10 minutes with no success, they opened a new box up, took out the new vacuum, and she came out on the  first try. Weird huh? All I can say is, I have  had so many people tell me that a c-section is no big deal, so I must have a very low tolerance for being cut open while awake! I am very impressed with my friends who have handled the experience with a lot more courage. 

Once she was here, of course, none of that mattered. To me, Madeline is the most beautiful, sweet baby in the world. I can not believe she has been growing inside of me all this time. I know that I worried that I  would know what to do with her, but "they" were right. Even when I don't know what I am doing, taking care of her feels like the most natural thing in the world, because she is mine. I could have never imagined what it would be like, and I still can't really get my head around it. I don't exactly feel like a mom yet, I just feel like the most blessed person in the world to be given this amazing gift. I feel a love for her, and connection to her, that is  strong, unique, and indescribable. I am in awe that I could love her this much already. 

So, we are home from the hospital. I only had to stay until Sat., which was nice. I  was ready to come home. I am still a little sore and taking pain killers, but it's not too bad at all. I am trying to figure out the breast feeding thing. We are getting the hang of it, I think. I am sad that I  still look pregnant. Jon said, "Yeah, but only 6 months pregnant." Thanks babe. He means well. And, unfortunately, he's right. 

I am tired, but not too tired. I feel like my life is in a weird state of limbo, where all that really matters is Madeline...and getting back into my normal clothes. :)

Nine Days

My c-section is scheduled for next Thursday, July 3rd. It is so crazy to me that in a little more than a week, I'm going to be a mom. In nine days, I am going to hold my daughter Madeline in my arms, and be forever changed. People are asking me if I'm ready-if we're ready- and honestly, I want to laugh. Is that possible? How do you  get ready for one of the biggest(if not THE biggest) things that can happen in your life? I am definitely excited, but right now, I feel more nervous, scared, apprehensive, etc. They say that the intuition kicks in when it's your own child, and you just know what to do. I hope "they" are right. I am counting on it!  There are so many unknowns right now about the future and what to expect. I AM scared, but it's a good fear, like when we went skydiving. As terrified as I was, If I hadn't jumped out of that plane, I would have missed out on one of the most amazing and breath-taking moments of my life. These last few days before becoming a parent, I feel a little like I did in that  plane. I knew it was too late to back down, but I didn't know if I was ready to make the jump. And just like then, I know now, that once I've made the jump, once they hand me my daughter and I look into her eyes, it will all be worth it.