It is Sunday afternoon, and we are home with the new love of our lives, Madeline Grace. I can't really put into words how I
am feeling in this short space, so I'll just give a brief overview of the past few days. We went to the hospital Thursday morning for my scheduled c-section at 8:00. It was a very strange feeling, checking in, knowing that in hours we would be holding our baby. I was VERY nervous for the c-section. I talked to Sarah Towne shortly before going in, because she has had four c-sections and feels that they were very easy. She was extremely comforting, and told me that the insertion of the IV is the worst and most painful part. That part was already done, so I was glad to hear that! Well, long story short, my c-section took about twice as long as normal, and I hated every minute of it. Sorry for any of you who may be needing to have one anytime soon. I'm sure yours will be great! :) But for me, lying awake, feeling my insides being tugged around, seeing my blood spray onto the sheet in front of me, (oh yeah, and onto my forehead!), was a bit worse than the IV being inserted. (Love you, sarah!!)
Apparently, it took them quite a while to get her out because she was still very high, since I had not labored at all. So, they needed to use some sort of tool they call a vacuum, and the one they were using was faulty! After trying to use it for about 10 minutes with no success, they opened a new box up, took out the new vacuum, and she came out on the first try. Weird huh? All I can say is, I have had so many people tell me that a c-section is no big deal, so I must have a very low tolerance for being cut open while awake! I am very impressed with my friends who have handled the experience with a lot more courage.
Once she was here, of course, none of that mattered. To me, Madeline is the most beautiful, sweet baby in the world. I can not believe she has been growing inside of me all this time. I know that I worried that I would know what to do with her, but "they" were right. Even when I don't know what I am doing, taking care of her feels like the most natural thing in the world, because she is mine. I could have never imagined what it would be like, and I still can't really get my head around it. I don't exactly feel like a mom yet, I just feel like the most blessed person in the world to be given this amazing gift. I feel a love for her, and connection to her, that is strong, unique, and indescribable. I am in awe that I could love her this much already.
So, we are home from the hospital. I only had to stay until Sat., which was nice. I was ready to come home. I am still a little sore and taking pain killers, but it's not too bad at all. I am trying to figure out the breast feeding thing. We are getting the hang of it, I think. I am sad that I still look pregnant. Jon said, "Yeah, but only 6 months pregnant." Thanks babe. He means well. And, unfortunately, he's right.
I am tired, but not too tired. I feel like my life is in a weird state of limbo, where all that really matters is Madeline...and getting back into my normal clothes. :)