Sunday, July 6, 2008

Home with Madeline


It is Sunday afternoon, and we are home with the new love of our lives, Madeline Grace. I can't really put into words how I
 am feeling in this short space, so I'll just give a brief overview of the past few days. We went to the hospital Thursday morning for my scheduled c-section at 8:00. It was a very strange feeling, checking in, knowing that in hours we would be holding our baby. I was VERY nervous for the c-section. I talked to Sarah Towne shortly before going in, because she has had four c-sections and feels that they were very easy. She was extremely comforting, and told me that the insertion of the IV is the worst and most painful part. That part was already done, so I was glad to hear that! Well, long story short, my c-section took about twice as long as normal, and I hated every minute of it. Sorry for any of  you who may be needing to have one anytime soon. I'm sure yours will be great! :) But for me, lying awake, feeling my insides being tugged around, seeing my blood spray onto the sheet in front of me, (oh yeah, and onto my forehead!), was a bit worse than the IV being inserted. (Love you, sarah!!) 
Apparently, it took them quite a while to get her out because she was still very high, since I had not labored at all. So, they needed to use some sort of tool they call a vacuum, and the one they were using was faulty! After trying to use it for about 10 minutes with no success, they opened a new box up, took out the new vacuum, and she came out on the  first try. Weird huh? All I can say is, I have  had so many people tell me that a c-section is no big deal, so I must have a very low tolerance for being cut open while awake! I am very impressed with my friends who have handled the experience with a lot more courage. 
Once she was here, of course, none of that mattered. To me, Madeline is the most beautiful, sweet baby in the world. I can not believe she has been growing inside of me all this time. I know that I worried that I  would know what to do with her, but "they" were right. Even when I don't know what I am doing, taking care of her feels like the most natural thing in the world, because she is mine. I could have never imagined what it would be like, and I still can't really get my head around it. I don't exactly feel like a mom yet, I just feel like the most blessed person in the world to be given this amazing gift. I feel a love for her, and connection to her, that is  strong, unique, and indescribable. I am in awe that I could love her this much already. 
So, we are home from the hospital. I only had to stay until Sat., which was nice. I  was ready to come home. I am still a little sore and taking pain killers, but it's not too bad at all. I am trying to figure out the breast feeding thing. We are getting the hang of it, I think. I am sad that I  still look pregnant. Jon said, "Yeah, but only 6 months pregnant." Thanks babe. He means well. And, unfortunately, he's right. 
I am tired, but not too tired. I feel like my life is in a weird state of limbo, where all that really matters is Madeline...and getting back into my normal clothes. :)

10 comments:

Jewels said...

Steph,

Congrats! I am so excited for you two. I know this sounds super dumb but I just cannot believe how they come out looking so cute and like real little girls. I mean Madeline's cute little hair and lips and nose. Oh my I cannot wait for my baby girl to arrive.
Julie

Lisa P said...

Great post, Steph! You did a great job of describing the indescribable. And you won't look like that for long--but it takes a week or so for a first-time mom's uterus to shrink. So give it a few more days and then you'll see some difference (who know? You may only look 4-months pregnant by then!). Silly, but true.

Keep posting little insights, as you'll want to look back and read how you felt during this transition. And it's so fun for us to read too!

Brazenlilly said...

STEPH! I'm so proud of you and happy for you guys. Check out my blog for my complaints about the post-baby belly. I hear ya. I am so thrilled that she is here and healthy, and I can't wait to see more pictures! We're still working on the breast-feeding thing too--and this is my second kid and I've had a week longer than you, so don't be discouraged! It takes a while to click. I'm so happy for you!

Brazenlilly said...

STEPH! I'm so proud of you and happy for you guys. Check out my blog for my complaints about the post-baby belly. I hear ya. I am so thrilled that she is here and healthy, and I can't wait to see more pictures! We're still working on the breast-feeding thing too--and this is my second kid and I've had a week longer than you, so don't be discouraged! It takes a while to click. I'm so happy for you!

Lyonslove said...

You are amazing. You are a mommy! What a blessing. Reading your post I remember feeling all of those amazing new mom feelings. I think no mom really KNOWS what they are doing, we are all just doing our best and taking one day at a time. I am here if you need anything!! I love you!

Sarah said...

Yay, I just found your blog! I love this post ... my favorite quote is, "so I must have a low tolerance for being cut open while awake!" So sorry to have misled you on the c-section thing ... at least you were temporarily less anxious! :)

I'm so happy for you guys. You are a beautiful family.

And I WON'T mislead you about the pain of breastfeeding (sorry), or the postpartum belly. I still look pregnant. And don't even get me going on post-breastfeeding boobies ... sigh!!! But it's ALL worth it. (and a little plastic surgery to fix what was once lovely is not a bad thing ... just kidding!)

edie said...

Sarah is right - it IS all worth it. You may have some days where you are discouraged but those moments seem to pass quickly, although they are intense at the time. The love for this precious little girl is the most amazing gift of all. Thanks for letting us read a little about your experience. I'm so thrilled for you!

The Shea's said...

Congrats on your baby girl! I also had a c-section and will say it was NOT the highlight of my birthing experience either. But, I'd much rather be awake and cut open so I could see my baby right away then be asleep and miss that first glimpse when they lift them up over the sheet. I'll never forget it....and in a few months that will be what you remember more than your traumatizing c-section! :0) This is Kristin Sesate....Shea now, wasn't sure you'd know who I was if I put my married name.

Diane Davis said...

I am so happy you blogged! I've got to see some pictures on facebook, but I love the stories. I agree... keep them coming, not only for your loyal readers, but to build a history so you can remember the moments. She's really beautiful, Steph.

Emily said...

She is sooo beautiful! Congratulations! Travis and I have REALLY enjoyed our little girl. You are gonna have so much fun that you'll want to do it again! (even with the yuck c-section)